***Review*** Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters by Jane Austen & Ben H. Winters

On the Back of the Book

Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters expands the original text of the beloved Jane Austen novel with all-new scenes of giant lobsters, rampaging octopi, two headed sea-serpents, and other biological monstrosities. As our story opens, the Dashwood sisters are evicted from their childhood home and sent to live on a mysterious island full of savage creatures and dark secrets. While the sensible Elinor falls in love with Edward Ferrars, her romantic sister Marianne is courted by both the handsome Willoughby and the hideous man-monster Colonel Brandon. Can the Dashwood sisters triumph over meddlesome-matriarchs and unscrupulous rogues to find true love? Or will they fall prey to the tentacles that are forever snapping at their heels? This masterful portrait of Regency England blends Jane Austen's biting social commentary with ultraviolent depictions of sea monsters biting. It's survival of the fittest -- and only the swifest swimmers will find true love!

Pre Read Thoughts

I approach this book with caution. The last mash up of a Jane Austen book I read, didn't really work for me. I found it to be forced and not at all amusing. I'm hoping that this book does better because once again the idea is sound. The price is in dollars... again, so I don't know how much I paid for it. The cover is hideous, tentacled men aren't exactly known for their dashing good looks though are they? Now a random note before I start to read this book. I'll explain it as I go so don't worry. Before I read a book I hand it to my cat and normally he'll give it a sniff, and rub his face on it but he refuses to look at this book. The last time he did that I hated the books. Maybe he's trying to tell me something...

Post Read Thoughts

I guess the question is: Where do I start? Do I start with my declaration? No I think I'll end it there. Or  maybe I should start with details? Nah, they'll follow in a moment. I'm going to start with Mystic Mischief the psychic cat. If you read my pre read thoughts section you'll know he refused to look at the book. Well his premonition turned out to be correct. I really wish I'd listened to him. This book is diabolical, every momemt I spent with it is a moment I'll sadly never get back.  It has all the same issues as Pride and Prejudice and Zombies but they're worse in this one! How is that even possible? I thought the humour was forced, the writing boring and it's essentially two books forced into one and that just doesn't work for me.

The characters were dull and unispiring. There was no substance to them and I found myself wanting to fall asleep. They didn't really work with the situations that they were placed in. The word caricature kept coming to mind throughout the stories. (There were two stories.) I was also disappointed by the sea monsters, they didn't eat everyone and that's what I wanted them to do. It would have ended my torture quicker.

I think that by now you can tell that I hate the book and I genuinely can't think of a nice thing to say about it. I'm a quick reader, I pride myself on this, it means I can post multiple reviews a week without holding any back, but this one book has taken me nearly 2 weeks to finish. I'm now way behind my monthly reading target. As I said, I wasn't amused by one thing in the book, I can't take even the smallest amount of enjoyment from it. Reading this was a genuine chore. My overall opinion is low, so low in fact I will now make that declaration I told you about earlier: This is the worst book I have ever had the unfortunacy to read in my life... and I've read a lot of books.

My Rating

1 star - To be honest it doesn't even deserve that but I had to give it something. Now what shall I do with the book? I can't give it away because someone might then read it and that's the last thing I want. I could burn it I suppose but then the smoke would make it difficult for to breathe for about a year (in real time terms this is about an hour). I shall have to hide it in a box. I implore you, don't buy this book, don't even borrow it. Just walk away from it. Trust me.